Celebrating Pride:

June is Pride Month

And Pride Is All About Love and Inclusion

This is a month I wish we didn't have to celebrate. And that is because I am dismayed we are still about hate and exclusion in so many ways, despite being well into the 21st Century. I wish we had left the NEED to celebrate Pride back in the 20th Century.

But alas, that is not the reality. In fact, hatred and divisiveness had only gotten worse in "modern times," and especially in 2022. And having been born into a completely different, more accepting culture, this dismays me.

I was born in Greenwich Village in the mid-sixties, a few years before Stonewall. I had many folks who loved me in my life who just happened to be gay from the day I was born. And I never thought anything about that either way.  I did not distinguish between "gay people" and "straight people." To me, they were all just loved ones and dear friends of the family.

Next to my Godfather, "Uncle" Charlie was my favorite adult. Charlie was an old Navy Buddy of my Dad's. He spent a LOT of time with me as a wee child, and I loved him dearly. I never wondered  (or cared) why he always visited with a male friend. I was just happy to see Uncle Charlie and his current friend. Honestly, I was more concerned about my folks allowing Charlie to drive after too many drinks at the party than I was with who he brought with him to that party. 

In 1970, my Dad co-produced the play "Gandhi," and Jose Quintero directed. Quintero was a very noted Director, even then. He was from Panama and was estranged from his own family. However, he was really a part of my own for a time, so that was never really a point of concern. Quintero's Dad had wanted him to become a doctor, as well as denounce who he was, or to stay in the closet, at the very least. I knew that estrangement had something to do with his "chosen lifestyle," but I always assumed that meant doing theatre rather than medicine. I never dreamed it could be because of the love and support he got from his life partner, Nicholas. All I cared about was that Quintero was a family friend I cherished and admired.

Later, when I was in middle school, my family temporarily moved to London, where my Dad once again turned to producing as a hobby. This time, he partnered with Mike Mansfield, who is well known as the one who brought the Smoke Machine into Rock and Roll, as well as for being the father of the music video. I loved Mike! And I kind of fell in love with Mike too. He was a physically stunning man, beautiful inside and out. And extremely sought after as well.  Mike took me under his wing, and was one of the first people in my life to treat me like an adult.

Now Mike had a boyfriend who was a complete contrast, named Hillary. Hillary was the type who would make Jack McFarland look austere. He was what they referred to as a "limp wristed cupcake" back in the day, and more flamboyant than Liberace. I always thought Mike could do better than Hillary, especially with the likes of people like Freddy (Mercury) and Bowie chasing after him. But I think Mike was also my very first REAL crush, which is about the only part of his sexuality that bothered me. I remember wishing he was bi, like Bowie was, rather than completely devoted to Hillary. And interested in me "that way."

But you know what NEVER occurred to me? That there was anything "wrong" with Quintero or Uncle Charlie or Mike or even Hillary. When I first met Elton, as he was a neighbor of a friend from school, he was still married. When I later met him with Mike, he was finally being honest about who he'd always been. And all I felt about that was happy for him.

I had a similar experience with a college friend whom I still consider one of my best friends, despite having basically lost touch in our late 20s. When I first met Joe, it was because he was assigned to room with another friend named Joe. Joe and Joe hated each other, something that in hindsight, they realized was because they were both denying their true selves.  Both Joes hid behind being "Ladies' Men," and neither was a very happy person in college because of this.  

I always knew who Joe was, and it made me unhappy that he felt the need to deny it. But he stopped bringing girls with him as dates when we saw Dead Shows after graduating, which I saw as a start. Then came a day, probably three or so years after graduating, when Joe called me "to share some news."

"Laurel...I'm in love."

"Again?" I replied. "Who is it this time?"

Joe's voice got a little tentative as he continued. "I met the most wonderful man," he said.

"FINALLY!" I exclaimed. "Oh, you do not know how happy this news makes me! YAY!"

"Really?" he asked kind of gleefully.

"Joe, I have ALWAYS known who you really are, even if you did not. And I have always loved you. This news makes me happy, and maybe this time, you have found someone who will TRULY make YOU happy."

The man ended up being Joe's first, but he wasn't "The One." But Joe was happy, and a great part of that happiness came from accepting and displaying his true self. About a year later he told me he ran into the other Joe at a Gay Bar, of all places, and they finally became friends, bonding over them both being able to finally express their true selves. It was the late 80s, so "coming out" was still a hard thing to do, especially in the South where both Joes grew up. 

In the late 90s, I took a female friend for her very first trip to NYC. We stayed at my folks' pied a terre, located in the West Village near where Bleeker Street begins. Lynn was excited to do "The Real New York," and one of the first things she wanted to do was to hit a Bleeker Street boutique. We went into one, and a very flashy, friendly salesperson stepped up to help her. Lynn wanted to try a LOT of stuff on, and the salesperson kept bringing new outfits to the dressing area. Lynn kept commenting on how good this sales person was at finding things that would look good on her, and about how excited she was to be helped by a "Real New Yorker." After about a half an hour in the dressing area, the salesperson made a comment that made Lynn (finally) realize something. Lynn grabbed her clothes and started putting them back on as she literally ran out of the shop screaming. I just started laughing hysterically, and the salesperson joined in. 

"You'll have to excuse her; she's a Southern Gal, and it's her first time in New York," I said, wiping the tears of laughter from my face.

"Honey, she wanted a REAL New Yorker, and you got her one. Shame she thinks what SHE has would turn me on." W e laughed some more.

"Ain't that the truth," I replied.  "I just wish she hadn't embarrassed me."

"Girl...she embarrassed herself more than she bothered me!  And you? YOU are FINE."  He laughed. "Now go and see if she's okay, and let her know she has just  met her first Transvestite, and her first REAL New Yorker. Then make her watch To Wong Foo," the salesperson kidded. "And let her know she'll keep on meeting more of  us if she keeps shopping the boutiques on Bleeker!"

And yes, I did humiliate her in front of all our gay and straight friends by telling that story EVERY chance I got. AND our friendly neighborhood shop clerk popped out to tease her when we walked past that shop again. I think the two of us made a game out of making Lynn feel bad about her behavior.  Because it was Lynn's behavior that was wrong, and not ANYTHING about that salesperson.

I have more stories like these to tell, but I think I've said enough to make my point. We shouldn't still NEED a Pride Month, because acceptance is something that should NOT need to be earned. We should be at a point where there is no need to "normalize" something that is NOT abnormal, is a part of the human condition, and has been around since the dawn of mankind. 

But here we are in 2022, and too many people think being true to self is something one should be ashamed of. We think it is something that should be hidden. I live in a State that just banned talking about it in school or teaching that being who you are is something you should take pride in 24-7, 365 days a year.  (Yes. I live in Florida, and yes, I am fighting to get "Don't Say Gay" repealed.) Too many still feel they're generously granting some group a single month of visibility and acceptance, and for the other 11 months, they should just shut up and go back to their closets. 

In 2022, we actually still have a contingent of folks who think education and discussion is "grooming." We have too many people who think talking about reality will "turn someone" into something they are not and never will be.

Well I have news for y'all: sexuality is not something you can "catch." It is not something one chooses to be. It is just something that you are. I can more easily choose my hair color (with the help of a bottle of dye) than I can change who I was born to be attracted to. 

Just look at me. I grew up surrounded by people who found their joy with someone of the same sex. I grew up having crushes on people who would NEVER be interested in me "that way," even if they were an age-appropriate choice. And it didn't change who I am. No matter what, I was born straight, I will die straight, and no amount of exposure or discussion will change that.

Let's face it; most people are at the most awkward stage of their lives when they start realizing who they really are inside. Do you really think anyone would "choose" to be something that just exacerbates those feelings of difference and not-belonging? Do you really think an adolescent would say to him or herself "Hmmm, I'm already unpopular and awkward and unhappy...let me choose a lifestyle that will make me feel more like a freak?"  If you think that, you need to learn a LOT more about teenage angst and humanity in general.

I don't have a good track record when it comes to choosing significant others. There are many times I wish I WERE gay. I might find my soulmate then.  I have hung out in enough lesbian bars with friends to know who and what I am when it comes to sexuality. And you know what? No one has EVER tried to change that. Yes, I have gotten a few "That's a shame" when I've told someone chatting me up I'm only there to support a friend. But NEVER has anyone tried to "groom me" or to convince me I should try another lifestyle. 

So here we are, "celebrating" another Pride Month when we really do not have much to celebrate. I think folks were more accepting in general back when Stonewall happened over 50 years ago. I am sure those who participated in Stonewall were not expecting to still need Pride Demonstrations half a Century later. Which brings me back to my first paragraph. Here we are, celebrating Pride Month once again, and I wish it was something we no longer needed to celebrate. I wish being who you truly are was so ubiquitous, we no longer needed a month to spotlight a normal part of being human. I wish we still didn't marginalize normal behavior. I wish we could discuss things openly, like my adults did, rather than keeping things hush hush for 11 months of the year. And if we do need Pride Month, I wish it was something that could be celebrated in schools, at camps, and by people of all ages. I wish we were celebrating EVERYONE knowing love is love, and all love is worth celebrating. I wish we were not so focused on which bathrooms and pronouns to use because no one really cared. I wish my friends who were born women did not have to fear social exclusion or violence if folks found out they were not born men.  And vice versa.

I wish we were at a place where we celebrated diversity rather than fearing it. After all, wouldn't this world be a boring place if we all looked, acted, thought, and dressed the same?

But we are NOT at that place...yet. So I will keep on doing my best to try to make the world that way, the way it should've been all along. I will continue to advocate for acceptance and inclusion. I will continue to love people more for having the courage to show the world who they really are. And I will keep on excluding those who promote exclusion from my own inner circle. 

Laverne Cox said it well: “We are not what other people say we are. We are who we know ourselves to be, and we are what we love. That’s okay.”  No Laverne; it is NOT  "okay." It is FABULOUS!

And those people, those who know themselves and love themselves FOR it, rather than despite it, will continue to be my favorite people in this world. And I hope you will join us, rather than being one of "them," the ignorant intolerant. 

Everybody’s journey is individual. You don’t know with whom you’re going to fall in love. … If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.”

                                                                                    – James Baldwin